I'm sorry that you ignored the minimum requirements for the assignment despite having the requirements sent to you by e-mail, posted on the course Web site, reiterated in class, and resent by e-mail.
I'm sorry that you didn't understand that a research paper requires you to do research.
I'm sorry that you decided to treat this course as a blow-off class even though it's required for you to graduate.
I'm sorry that you tried to bullshit your way through the paper and I called you on it.
I'm sorry that I expected you, a college student, to be able to write a clear thesis.
I'm sorry that I expected you to provide evidence to back up your specious arguments.
I'm sorry that I expected you to know how to cite references properly and to format a bibliography.
I'm sorry that I enforced the rules that I said I would enforce in the way that I said that I would enforce them.
I'm sorry that you discovered that your actions have consequences.
I'm sorry that no one ever told you that you have to earn your grades.
I'm sorry that you have to study for the final because you blew off the paper.
I'm sorry that I didn't select your topic, identify and read appropriate research materials, provide an outline, and write your paper for you.
I'm sorry that I thought a college student could write a 5-page analytical research paper in just three months.
Mostly, I'm truly sorry that the rest of you had to read yet another rant from me.