Red Alert! Red Alert!

This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill. Grab your Dawson's Creek DVDs and head for the hills! The Tom and Katie situation has deteriorated quickly:

Tom Cruise has marriage on his mind -- less than a month after going public with his new love, Katie Holmes! Speaking on The Oprah Winfrey Show on May 23, Tom, 42, told Oprah that he intends to talk to 26-year-old Katie about marriage -- "We'll discuss it," he said -- and has already spoken to Katie's parents, lawyer Martin Holmes, and his homemaker wife, Kathy.

If you've already suffered overexposure, stare directly at the sun until you've burned out your retinas. Then assume the fetal position and chant, "Dawson. Pacey. Dawson. Pacey."

Okay, maybe not Pacey.