Lighting Candles
To completely misappropriate a phrase: It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
So I haven't quit grad school. Raise your hand if you're surprised.
No one?
Yeah, me either.
Disentangling myself from school is mentally complicated. It means letting go ideas of myself. Letting go of others' expectations of me. Giving myself permission to admit I made a mistake, which is very difficult for me. I'll put myself through hell and back---staying in a damaging relationship way too long, spending almost two years miserable on two continents, another two years deeply unhappy in Texas---rather than admit that I made a bad choice.
It's also logistically complicated. Grad school is currently providing my income (meager as it is) and health insurance.
So I haven't quit grad school. What I am doing is lighting candles. I'm updating my CV, checking job sites, putting out word that I'm looking for editing work. I'm looking into my options for a leave of absence or going part-time or just making a clean break.
So I haven't quit grad school, but I'm taking baby steps toward it. Creating the conditions that would make it possible.
Scary stuff.
posted by Lisa @ 4:50 PM
4 Comments
4 Comments:
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Don't quit, L! If there's one thing your experience suggests is that it's impossible to predict what you will find fulfilling and worthwhile during a given phase of you life. ("You" as in everyone.) If you force yourself to finish the PhD and library school, you'll have that many more career options open to you next time you find yourself ready for a change. I say this with some trepidation. I don't really /know/ how you're feeling emotionally, and who the hell am I to give you advice anyway? But I can't resist because you've come so far and deserve formal recognition for that in the form of a degree. Also, I think your thesis deals with really important questions, so I'm speaking on behalf of "science" here too. Ultimately, a person of your intelligence and competence is sure to succeed wherever you end up, so hopefully you'll feel optimistic whatever decision you take.
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I really agree with the facts that you have shared on this post. An interesting topic like this really enhances reader's mind to have more effective decisions over a certain issue.
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